we'll fire that cupid's arrow for you
by queenforbes
Summary: klaus / caroline: Katherine wants to play matchmaker between Klaus and Caroline, who, incidentally, hate each other. Kol's just tagging along for the show and the food. Oh, it'll be awkward, alright. / FOR LU BECAUSE IT'S HER BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LU!


**A/N: **Lu? Lu? You there?

I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T POST THIS UP ON YOUR ACTUAL BIRTHDAY! HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY ANYWAY!

Uh, yes. This is for forbesfabulous who is fabulous in her own right. IT'S HER BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE! SHOW HER (AND ME?) SOME LOVE BY REVIEWING?

Enjoy!

**we'll fire that cupid's arrow for you**

.

_"If loving someone means putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."_

**Jarod Kintz**

.

.

"So." Kol chews on his bagel thoughtfully. "Why are we doing this again?"

"_Because_," Katherine replies, rolling her eyes as if Kol's an idiot—he is, but still. "They have chemistry!"

"What the bloody hell has school got to do with—,"

"_Chemistry_, asshole!" Katherine's shaking her own bagel at Kol who doesn't flinch. "They've got tons of it and I need something to do, anyway."

"Let me get this straight," Kol says. He takes another bite and tilts his head. "You're planning to bring together our oldest friends, who hate each other, potentially ruining our friendships with them, making them fall in love with each other by meddling in their lives, completely disregarding any disastrous consequences it may have—all because you're bored?"

"That sounds about right."

"I'm in."

.

.

"Klaus," Caroline greets coldly as she reaches their usual booth in the Grill. She drops her bag in the seat and sits down opposite Klaus.

Klaus glances up from his phone and grunts. "Caroline." He looks back down again.

Pursing her lips, Caroline pulls out her own phone and tries hacking into the Grill's Wi-Fi—damn it, she thinks, Matt must've changed the password again. Criss-crossing her legs under the table, she looks back up to the British grumbler sitting opposite her and forces a cheerful tone. "Any idea what time Kat's coming?"

"No."

Okay. One word.

That's good. Progress, even. Right?

"Well, what about Kol?"

"No."

Another word. Okay.

She can deal with it—you know, go with the flow. Because she's not uptight. Nope.

"So, how—how have you been?" Caroline struggles to get out the words.

Sighing, Klaus looks up. "Caroline. Stop with the small talk. It's painful."

Caroline's eyes narrow. "I was just trying to be polite—something, I'm sure, has never even crossed your mind. After all, it's what you—,"

"Can't you tell I'm busy on my phone?"

"Oh, _please_. Anyone with a pair of eyes can tell you're fake-texting!"

Behind the snooker table, Kol squints. He steals some of the crisps from the girl next to him and comments, "They look like they're going to kill each other. Do you think we should do something?"

Katherine rolls her eyes and steals his crisps. "God, Kol, you can be so dense!" she says matter-of-factly. "This is _chemistry_! You watch—they'll be ripping each other's clothes off in the bathrooms in a few minutes."

Slamming her hands down on the table, Caroline says something to Klaus and Klaus retorts angrily. There are a lot of furious hand gestures, Kol relays to Katherine who's taking notes, and Caroline's going to stab him with her fork. Katherine sighs and puts down her notepad—Kol, young warrior, she thinks, you have much to learn.

"Kol," she begins in an _I-know-better-than-you-ever-will_ tone, getting up and starting to move towards Caroline and Klaus. "Caroline wouldn't—holy _crap_! CAROLINE, PUT DOWN THAT FORK! You do not want to be paying for Klaus's surgery!"

The girl next to Kol starts an argument with him.

_Dude, you can't just steal my crisps—are you even listening to me? Hey, I paid good money for these! What the hell is wrong with you? And he's still not listening; I can't believe this!_

Something about someone stealing crisps. He doesn't know—people these days get annoyed over anything. Kol shrugs. He ignores the dumbfounded girl, steals more crisps and goes off after Katherine to watch the show.

.

.

"So maybe," Katherine allows, as she drinks Kol's coffee. "That wasn't the best idea. But I'm Katherine Pierce and—,"

"Would you stop drinking my coffee?" Kol demands as he yanks back his cup. "There are some things, Katherine, between a man and his coffee that you just don't understand!"

Rolling her eyes, Katherine pulls open her purse and takes out two scraps of paper. "I'm Katherine Pierce," she mutters and raising her voice, continues, "and I always have a plan."

"What's this?"

"The usernames and passwords to one Caroline Forbes and Klaus Mikaelson."

Kol gets excited.

"Are we sending them porn?"

"What—ugh, no, Kol, _gross_." She wrinkles her nose at Kol and shakes her head. "We're sending them love notes from each other. Like in _You've Got Mail_. But different because it's us. Duh."

.

.

Inbox ringing, Caroline frowns, pushes at her heels and pulls open her email. "Klaus Mikaelson?" she reads, looking stunned. "Why would he be—,"

Her hand falters on the mouse. Should she?

What if he's just insulting her again?

Well, if he's insulting her, she'll yell at him some more. Easy solution.

But what if it's something important?

What would _Klaus _have to email her about?

Curiosity blazes.

She clicks it open—and gapes.

_Caroline, my love,_

_Words are failing me, my sweet, so I chose to email you instead. It's very hard to profess undying love for a beauty as exquisite as you and I, the mere mortal, have absolutely no chance which is why I took the cowardly route._

_(It's Klaus, by the way.)_

_Caroline. I realise that we have had our differences. It's all my fault, I confess—that fatal night when we first met, I did not mean to insult you and your choice of outfit that your perfect friend, Katherine, spent fourteen precious hours that she can never get back, putting together. Or your hair—your hair was glorious, as well, even if Katherine didn't do it like she wanted to. Or, that's what she told me._

_To get to the point, Caroline, I must tell you how ardently I love and admire you. It's been sweet torture and I look forward to our every meeting. Please, do not be alarmed because this may be sudden but I just wanted to tell you._

_Love,_

_Klaus._

Caroline blinks. Her eyes scan through the email again, mouthing words like _"beauty as exquisite_" and _"ardently I love"_ to herself.

"Did he just _Darcy_ me?"

.

.

Klaus is just getting ready to get out of the office when his mobile lets out a trill. Groaning as he shrugs on his coat, he taps at it and opens his inbox. "This email is from—_Caroline Forbes_?"

What could the infuriating bubble of blonde be emailing him about?

Maybe it's a lengthy string of the dirtiest curse words she knows?

Wedding ideas for Damon and Elena—god, would they ever stop harping on about it and get on with the actual wedding?

Or maybe Katherine—wait, how did Caroline even get his email?

Curiosity takes him over.

Klaus opens the email.

_Klaus, my darling,_

_I love you._

_There. I said it. I love you most aderntly. And admire you too. A lot._

_It's been coming on for a while now and I have to say it somehow so I'll say it in this email. I get that I've tried to kill you and you've insulted me every single time we meet but there's a thin line between love and hate. Or so I've been told. I think._

_This is all I really wanted to say._

_Bye._

Klaus blinks. His inbox pops up with another message and in a daze, he taps at it.

_Uh, I meant. _

_Love,_

_Caroline XX_

Gaping a little, Klaus rereads the message.

"Does Caroline not know how to spell ardently?"

.

.

"Kol. Is all this really necessary?" Katherine picks up the high-tech binoculars that have x-ray vision and can spot a specific pigeon with a salmon-pink spot in Trafalgar Square from a thousand feet high. She eyes the rest of the gadgets poured on the table as an excited Kol fits himself in black spy gear. "Plus, it's day time. And—,"

"You were the one," Kol says as he pulls on gloves, "who said this mission is extremely critical." He picks out combat boots. "And it's highly important that Klaus and Caroline get together." He slots a torch into his belt. "Because you're bored and biology."

"Chemistry."

"Chemistry." He takes the binoculars from her hands. "I'm just taking this seriously. Like you asked."

"Fine," Katherine relents. She picks up her phone and flicks through her messages. "Ooh—Caroline's texted me about a creepy message from Klaus." She pauses. "Creepy? I quoted Pride and Prejudice—that is not creepy!"

"So did I," Kol puts in. "But I just want to know—how do you spell ardently?"

.

.

We need to talk.

The four most important and spine-chilling words ever spoken. Wars. Break-ups. Student-teacher meetings. It's been the start of them all.

Caroline swallows tightly as she sits in the café. Texting Katherine frantically to keep her hands busy, she mutters, "Do I stay? Do I go—why does he even need to talk? If he wants to quote more of Pride and Prejudice, I don't mind. But I'll have to leave the country first. That's all. Yes. Leave the country."

What a brilliant idea. And a greater way of avoiding Klaus.

Half-rising from her chair and wondering desperately if she's renewed her passport lately, Caroline spots Klaus who speed-walks to her and sheepishly sits back down again. He nods to her and she nods to him. Oh, God. The atmosphere is so awkward even the waiters aren't coming over.

"Um." Caroline plays with her phone. "Hi."

"Hey," Klaus replies. "So."

"I got your message."

"I got your email."

Both faces flush.

Someone save them. Please?

.

.

Above Katherine is Kol, sitting on his branch and eyeing Klaus and Caroline through the binoculars. He's gone into this very seriously—using the walkie-talkies to communicate with Katherine although she stands right below him and is hissing about what a child he is. She uses her own binoculars.

They're not even saying anything—just blushing heavily.

Katherine rolls her eyes. She has to do everything around here, doesn't she?"

.

.

There's a text.

Both heads look down at the same time gratefully and Caroline smiles painfully. "It's Kat—Katherine! She's texted me," she tells him, waving her phone.

_Talk to him, blondie!_

Caroline frowns and glances around herself. Is Katherine here? There's a very shaky tree a few feet away from them, the leaves scattering to the floor every second. And—something dark? Klaus follows her gaze, puzzled and asks, "Caroline—is something wrong?"

Getting up from the table, Caroline murmurs, "Give me a second."

Not one to follow orders, Klaus gets up and follows Caroline who is moving towards the tree. He squints—what _is_ that?

.

.

"Our position's been compromised!" Kol hisses into his walkie-talkie. "Abort, abort! Katherine?"

But Katherine's gone, already ducking behind a shop window and leaving Kol to fend for himself. Her hair whispers in the breeze as she watches Caroline and Klaus stalk up to the tree, demanding answers from a sheepish Kol.

Snooze, you lose, assholes.

And then Kol points towards her.

She's going to kill him.

.

.

"You were trying to set us up?" Caroline splutters incredulously.

Klaus looks at her. "Well," he says, "it's not that stupid."

"What?"

"Well, like you said, there is a fine line between love and hate."

"Actually," Kol pipes up. "I said that."

"You did apologise, I suppose," Caroline allows. "For insulting me when we first met."

"Actually." Katherine looks sheepish. "I said that."

Klaus and Caroline look at each other. They sigh together and with one look, they know exactly what the other is thinking. They may have hated each other but it doesn't mean they won't join forces to exact vengeance.

"You know," Caroline says as she seats herself next to Katherine. "You and Kol have spent a lot of time together, haven't you?"

"Katherine's not that bad looking, is she, mate?" Klaus adds to Kol.

Conspiratorially, the two glance back at each other and wink. As Caroline continues spinning tales and Klaus begins pushing lies, their eyes find each other's over and over again. You feel like you're in a cheesy romantic comedy but you don't care because friendships have been made and what comes after friendship?

.

.

**fin**


End file.
